Well...

Sorry for the lack of update. So much on my mind. Our appointment with my RE went okay. She want's me to ideally lose 35 pounds, and to get a few other things done (change blood pressure med, etc) and then we will start trying treatment at my next appointment at the end of April. She also wanted me to go in for an ultrasound to make sure my uterus was ready to go. Well, I went in right after my period (around CD10 or so) and my ultrasound showed that the lining of the uterus was thicker than it should have been for just finishing a period. My RE said she wanted to do an endometrial biopsy just to make sure there wasn't anything wrong. I figured all was fine, I honestly wasn't worried at all. Well, yesterday she called me and told me that the biopsy shows pre-cancerous cells and that after we are done trying for children I will need a hysterectomy. I am so shocked, I never in a MILLION years thought this was going to happen. So now, at only 25 years old, I get to think about when I will have my uterus cut out of me. I am taking it pretty hard. Sure, maybe it wouldn't be THAT big of a deal if I could at least get pregnant easily and pop out the kids I want before then. But, I can't. I have to spend thousands of dollars we don't have and cross my fingers I will get pregnant. For the pure fact of the financial aspect, I will NEVER have the number of kids I want before I need the hysterectomy. It breaks my heart. Just yet another reason I HATE my body. I see my RE next week now and I'm not sure if we are going to keep the same plan, or jump straight into trying to have some babies. I also see an Oncologist to discuss exactly what my future holds. This. Sucks.

I am telling you, the stress is getting to me. We've been having neighbor drama, I've been thinking about the twins a lot lately for some reason, and then I see my RE next week and I am hitting panic mode! God damn why does getting pregnant have to be so much work for us. Why can't we be one of those careless couples who have drunk sex and "Whoops! We're pregnant!" and get to celebrate and be happy and never have a single strand of stress in the entire process of getting pregnant. Now there is me. Having sex for (LITERALLY) years unprotected and not a DAMN thing. Notta. It's so unfair it's almost unreal. I mean, what kind of SICK joke is this. And don't get me going about all the women who reproduce, and to put it nicely, don't deserve it. I mean damn, this is cruel and unusual isn't it? Or is it just me? So, we see our RE in 5 days and I am SO terrified they are just going to tell me to lose weight and not help. I suppose only time will tell. I DO need to lose weight and am working hard on making an effort at taking better care of myself...

I really just needed somewhere to vent. I am sure there will be much more of that to come ;)