Thursday, October 20, 2011

First Appt w/ RE!

Today was my first appointment with a RE. I was very excited and got a lot of information. My CD3 blood tests weren't exactly great though, it seems that my blood was 134, and that was fasting blood! So I am going back in tomorrow for more blood work to see if it was a fluke or if I am diabetic. Either way I also start Metformin tomorrow night so hopefully the symptoms arn't too harsh =\ then in a week I have to go in for progesterone testing and see what mylevels look like, and DH also has to go in for a semen analysis. THEN on my next cycle he want's to go back down to 150MG of Clomid but with a HCG trigger this time. So we will see how I react to that and go from there! But I'm really nervous about the injection training! =(

Sunday, October 16, 2011

So excited!

Well, obviously I've totally failed at writing here everyday. I guess that isn't realistic, however I am going to update whenever I have something new to talk about! Well, today would be CD19 and to my complete shock, I think I may FINALLY have a positive ovulation test! It's so hard to believe and I'm so excited yet I don't want to get too excited because the chances of actually getting pregnant is probably pretty low. So, I'm going to try and stay neutral about it, but here is the picture of the test...

Looks pretty positive!

Monday, October 10, 2011

Long road.

Well I'm already slacking with writing everyday! However I've been doing tons of reading online about PCOS and ovulating. I'm hopefully to see that a lot of women with PCOS don't ovulate on Clomid. It was making me so depressed that it wasn't working but I am very glad to see that it happens to a lot of women and there is still hope. I've learned a lot of information and I'm going to give it everything to turn my life around and GET PREGNANT!

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Trying to turn my life around

Well, I have decided to try to make a point to update my Blog daily, I also am going to make a huge turn around on my eating and exercising habits to try to improve the symptoms of my PCOS. I want to beat this, and I want to finally be a mother.

Today I'm feeling pretty good, a lot better from yesterday. I'm still depressed but I do have some sort of excitement now that I have my appointment with an actual RE. I just hope that I'm finally moving forward. There for awhile I felt like we were making progress but now I just feel stuck so I really am hoping that this is what I needed.

As far as my current cycle of Clomid, I am on cycle day 9 today (I did 200MG Clomid CD3-7) and I'm already getting anxious to POAS and praying to see that positive OPK! I still have my doubts, it's hard to get excited just because I know that the last two cycles of Clomid didn't work, and I almost feel like "Come on, get the disappointment over with" But I will keep peeing and keep hoping. That would be great if this cycle was successful. As far as any symptoms from the Clomid, I don't have any complaints. I've never had any side effects from Clomid and so far this cycle it's the same. The first two cycles I took a Tylenol with each dose like instructed from members on a board, but this cycle I didn't bother and still didn't have any side effects, so that was good!


What a stab to the heart. I called my insurance company to see what all for infertility was covered. Well, turns out pretty much nothing. The only thing covered is appointments and medications. IUI's and IVF's are not covered, and if I end up paying for either out of pocket, no other appointments or medications will be covered from there on out. This seems so unfair. I can't stop crying. Although it hasn't even been decided yet if I will EVER need either of those, all I can think of is the worst. All I can imagine is that I will end up needing on e or the other to EVER be a parent and I won't be able to afford it. There is no way I could afford a IVF, they can cost around $17,000! I could never come up with that money. So I'm trying to face the fact that it's very possible that I may never be able to have a child. I don't think adoption is even an option, that is so costly also. This is so unfair and I just don't know how much more I can handle. I just hope and pray that they are able to get me to ovulate and that I don't have to worry about any of it, but I can't help but have it in the back of my mind... it seems like I have the worst luck.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Where do I start

Things have been pretty hard on me lately, and Facebook is my worst enemy. I'm so tired of seeing everybody posting pictures of their babies, talking about being pregnant and or getting pregnant. I try not to be so selfish but it's impossible. All I can think is... "Why is this happening to me?" and the past few days have been the worst.
Let me begin with telling you that me and my brother are not on speaking terms. I honestly am not sure if I wan't that to change or not after what all has happened but it's still upsetting. Him and this girl started dating, this girl treated him awful so of course I didn't like her. Then one night she flipped out on my husband and that was my last straw with her. I told my brother that I loved him but didn't want her in my life. He continued to tell me he hated me, called me terrible terrible names that I won't repeat and long story short, we haven't talked sense. It's almost been a year, maybe it has been, I'm not all that sure. But either way, on top of going through all of my infertility problems and being heart broken over it, I found out that his girlfriend was pregnant. It killed me. I cried for days straight. I've been trying for 4 years... and then this girl steps into my life, takes my brother from me, and then takes all my dreams. I wanted to give my mom her first grandchild. Not this girl. Now it kills me to see anybody be excited about it. That should be me! So, the last few days have been really hard. She's due next month I believe, and her baby shower is next weekend. I'm of course not invited and the only reason that I know anything about it is because I wanted to goto my aunts that weekend and, oh, nope, she's going to the baby shower. So... long story short, I'm heartbroken. I'm so tired of not being able to have the one thing in life that I REALLY REALLY want. I've always been the girl who got everything she wanted sooner or later, but this is the only thing EVER that I can't seem to have. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so bitter and I feel like I hate everyone and everything... I just want this to end.


Well, out of everybody I know, I've only known one other girl who has struggled with PCOS and infertility... she is actually due to have twin girls anyday... I finally asked her what all she had done before her pregnancy and it seems that she struggled a lot too. She said the one thing that she recommended the most was to goto a reproductive endocrinologist instead of a Ob/Gyn right away. SO, she recommended a RE to me, and I called and made an appointment! So, besides feeling very very depressed, I do feel a slight bit of excitement to see what this new route takes us to. Hopefully I have the luck that she did!