I can't believe I am able to say this...

I AM PREGNANT! I am so shocked that I don't even know how to react. It all started on the 27th and I decided to take an early test, and it was positive. I was so shocked and I didn't believe that it could be real. I figured that it was just the HCG trigger still in my system. I ended up taking 4 tests that night through the morning and all were positive. I called my RE and they sent me in to get my blood drawn and test my Beta, it was 23! So it was really low, but still a positive. I went back today and it has gone up to 70! I am so shocked. Now, these levels are really low but it went up just fine and hopefully it continues to climb. I really just don't even know what to say because I am so shocked. I never imaged that this was ever going to happen. I have to go back Tuesday to get my blood drawn again and my Beta should be above 200, let's just hope that happens... I really hope that this baby sticks and is successful. It's been a long time coming and I just want this to work.

So happy :)

Well today I found out that my Progesterone is 27.1! That is GREAT news considering anything over 10 means that I ovulated! I'm so happy that I finally ovulated, it has been a long time coming and I'm thrilled. Now let's just hope an egg was fertilized and implanted. I am able to test on the 30th. Now I just hope I have the willpower to make it to the 30th without loosing my mind. That's all for now, but I wanted to update with the wonderful news. :)

Exiting news!

So today I was finally able to take the HCG trigger shot! I am sooo excited yet so scared that I'm going to end up disappointed and heartbroken.
Today when I went in for an ultrasound they told me that I had 4 follicles matured! 21mm, 18mm, 18mm, 16mm. So I had mixed feelings about that. That means there is a possibility of 4 eggs releasing! So, I'm worried that if they do release, there's potentially 4 babies. I'm sure those odds are slim to none, but my luck never fails to amaze me. But at the same time, I guess that ups my odds of atleast 1 working, I hope anyways. I will be able to test for pregnancy in 16 days the nurse told me, which means New Years Eve I will be able to test for pregnancy. So I could either have the best New Years Eve ever, or I'm going to have one upsetting one. Let's hope for the best ever! :)

Welp...

Well this is probably going to be short and sweet, I am beyond exhausted today... but things haven't gone as quickly as originally hoped. I am on CD15 and I'm still taking Repronex shots. I wen't into my RE today and had an ultrasound done. My follicles are FINALLY growing. I have three good looking ones... two are 15mm and one is 16mm. So I do my shots until tomorrow, and then go back in Thursday to see if they are bigger and then *hopefully* I will get to finally trigger! I am really hoping that this is finally the month. The journey is taking everything out of me and I'm so ready to finally get my BFP! :) I will update after my appointment on Thursday.

Taking over my life!

So I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. It seems this infertility journey has taken over my life and consumed me with depression. I feel better now, let's hope it's that way for awhile... I'm on CD 5 today and I had an appointment with my RE on the 1st of this month... I started Femara CD 3-7 and then I move on to injectables :\  and I do Repronex CD 8-9... I'm excited to see the end results but not excited for the shots. I'm just thankful that my mother in law is a RN and I have somebody who knows exactly what they are doing to do it for me. But I did find out that my last cycle was not good like I thought, the ovulation test was negative and that was confirmed through blood work. So Clomid did NOTHING for me. Let's just hope that this cycle does something!

Also, I did find out I'm pre-diabetic... which I don't believe. I truly believe I am diabetic with the way my blood sugars are. They are still running about 240 after eating even being on Metformin... so I am getting my A1C done and we will see what the results of that is :)

First Appt w/ RE!

Today was my first appointment with a RE. I was very excited and got a lot of information. My CD3 blood tests weren't exactly great though, it seems that my blood was 134, and that was fasting blood! So I am going back in tomorrow for more blood work to see if it was a fluke or if I am diabetic. Either way I also start Metformin tomorrow night so hopefully the symptoms arn't too harsh =\ then in a week I have to go in for progesterone testing and see what mylevels look like, and DH also has to go in for a semen analysis. THEN on my next cycle he want's to go back down to 150MG of Clomid but with a HCG trigger this time. So we will see how I react to that and go from there! But I'm really nervous about the injection training! =(

So excited!

Well, obviously I've totally failed at writing here everyday. I guess that isn't realistic, however I am going to update whenever I have something new to talk about! Well, today would be CD19 and to my complete shock, I think I may FINALLY have a positive ovulation test! It's so hard to believe and I'm so excited yet I don't want to get too excited because the chances of actually getting pregnant is probably pretty low. So, I'm going to try and stay neutral about it, but here is the picture of the test...

Looks pretty positive!

Long road.

Well I'm already slacking with writing everyday! However I've been doing tons of reading online about PCOS and ovulating. I'm hopefully to see that a lot of women with PCOS don't ovulate on Clomid. It was making me so depressed that it wasn't working but I am very glad to see that it happens to a lot of women and there is still hope. I've learned a lot of information and I'm going to give it everything to turn my life around and GET PREGNANT!

Trying to turn my life around

Well, I have decided to try to make a point to update my Blog daily, I also am going to make a huge turn around on my eating and exercising habits to try to improve the symptoms of my PCOS. I want to beat this, and I want to finally be a mother.

Today I'm feeling pretty good, a lot better from yesterday. I'm still depressed but I do have some sort of excitement now that I have my appointment with an actual RE. I just hope that I'm finally moving forward. There for awhile I felt like we were making progress but now I just feel stuck so I really am hoping that this is what I needed.

As far as my current cycle of Clomid, I am on cycle day 9 today (I did 200MG Clomid CD3-7) and I'm already getting anxious to POAS and praying to see that positive OPK! I still have my doubts, it's hard to get excited just because I know that the last two cycles of Clomid didn't work, and I almost feel like "Come on, get the disappointment over with" But I will keep peeing and keep hoping. That would be great if this cycle was successful. As far as any symptoms from the Clomid, I don't have any complaints. I've never had any side effects from Clomid and so far this cycle it's the same. The first two cycles I took a Tylenol with each dose like instructed from members on a board, but this cycle I didn't bother and still didn't have any side effects, so that was good!

.:.UPDATE.:.

What a stab to the heart. I called my insurance company to see what all for infertility was covered. Well, turns out pretty much nothing. The only thing covered is appointments and medications. IUI's and IVF's are not covered, and if I end up paying for either out of pocket, no other appointments or medications will be covered from there on out. This seems so unfair. I can't stop crying. Although it hasn't even been decided yet if I will EVER need either of those, all I can think of is the worst. All I can imagine is that I will end up needing on e or the other to EVER be a parent and I won't be able to afford it. There is no way I could afford a IVF, they can cost around $17,000! I could never come up with that money. So I'm trying to face the fact that it's very possible that I may never be able to have a child. I don't think adoption is even an option, that is so costly also. This is so unfair and I just don't know how much more I can handle. I just hope and pray that they are able to get me to ovulate and that I don't have to worry about any of it, but I can't help but have it in the back of my mind... it seems like I have the worst luck.

Where do I start

Things have been pretty hard on me lately, and Facebook is my worst enemy. I'm so tired of seeing everybody posting pictures of their babies, talking about being pregnant and or getting pregnant. I try not to be so selfish but it's impossible. All I can think is... "Why is this happening to me?" and the past few days have been the worst.
Let me begin with telling you that me and my brother are not on speaking terms. I honestly am not sure if I wan't that to change or not after what all has happened but it's still upsetting. Him and this girl started dating, this girl treated him awful so of course I didn't like her. Then one night she flipped out on my husband and that was my last straw with her. I told my brother that I loved him but didn't want her in my life. He continued to tell me he hated me, called me terrible terrible names that I won't repeat and long story short, we haven't talked sense. It's almost been a year, maybe it has been, I'm not all that sure. But either way, on top of going through all of my infertility problems and being heart broken over it, I found out that his girlfriend was pregnant. It killed me. I cried for days straight. I've been trying for 4 years... and then this girl steps into my life, takes my brother from me, and then takes all my dreams. I wanted to give my mom her first grandchild. Not this girl. Now it kills me to see anybody be excited about it. That should be me! So, the last few days have been really hard. She's due next month I believe, and her baby shower is next weekend. I'm of course not invited and the only reason that I know anything about it is because I wanted to goto my aunts that weekend and, oh, nope, she's going to the baby shower. So... long story short, I'm heartbroken. I'm so tired of not being able to have the one thing in life that I REALLY REALLY want. I've always been the girl who got everything she wanted sooner or later, but this is the only thing EVER that I can't seem to have. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so bitter and I feel like I hate everyone and everything... I just want this to end.



.:.UPDATE.:.

Well, out of everybody I know, I've only known one other girl who has struggled with PCOS and infertility... she is actually due to have twin girls anyday... I finally asked her what all she had done before her pregnancy and it seems that she struggled a lot too. She said the one thing that she recommended the most was to goto a reproductive endocrinologist instead of a Ob/Gyn right away. SO, she recommended a RE to me, and I called and made an appointment! So, besides feeling very very depressed, I do feel a slight bit of excitement to see what this new route takes us to. Hopefully I have the luck that she did!

A long road ahead of us...

Well, I'm really not sure when or if we will ever be able to have a child. I haven't wrote in awhile and mostly it is because I've been super depressed and I just don't feel like doing much of anything. I really need to see about going to a shrink and talking this out. I can't stand to feel so depressed all the time. Anyway... our first month on Clomid was a bust. I didn't ovulate like I had hoped. The next cycle my doctor increased my dose of Clomid and we tried again... still no ovulation. SO our third cycle will be another increased dose of Clomid and I suppose we will see how that goes. He want's me to do a CD3 blood tests, and Mark has to go in for a semen analysis. We will see how that goes. It's hard to be excited anymore because I feel like this is getting no where and I'm really starting to question if I will ever be a mother or not. I hope that soon enough it will be my turn. It's also very hard right now because my brother is expecting. I don't want my family to be excited about it, I know that's selfish but I want that to be ME. We don't talk or get along so that makes it even more hard. But we will see... hopefully something happens soon!

So tired!

Well, I finally ended up getting my period and started Clomid CD3-7! I am on CD10 right now and hoping that I ovulate soon! I feel really tired lately and I'm not sure if it is from the Clomid or what! Otherwise I was really lucky and didn't get any side effects at all! I did take 100MG for Tylenol each night when I took the Clomid so that may have helped, I'm not sure. I've been doing my ovulation prediction kit sense CD7 and today it was quite a bit darker! I'm so excited, I hope that I ovulate soon! I really am getting tired and drained from all of this. I can't wait for our journey to end! Infertility SUCKS!

Here are my tests from CD8-10. As you can see CD10 is quite a bit darker! Hopefully I get a positive test soon!

Welp,

So, I finally went to my OB/GYN. I was TIRED of waiting for my period to come. He prescribed me Provera to induce my period so hopefully it starts soon, and I will be able to start the Clomid! I am excited, but so scared at the same time.
The unfortunate news about this appointment, was we went over my blood work and other tests, and my Dr. diagnosed me with PCOS. This is so worrisome because this just means my struggles have only began. I hope and pray that it goes by fast. I need to make some major changes in my life and how I live it, but hopefully it helps us out and our journey with infertility comes to a close soon. My period should be starting within the next week (hopefully) and then I get to start my Clomid, and get to do my daily testing and all the fun stuff that comes with it. I'm SOOO excited, keeping my fingers crossed. <3

Blah Blah Blah

I haven't updated recently basically because of the fact that I STILL haven't gotten my period to start Clomid... I am getting so frustrated waiting. My last period was at the end of March, right before I had my HSG test and STILL nothing sense. Come on! I started wondering if maybe for some insane reason I got pregnant on my own, I've done 2 pregnancy test and both negative, so that is out of the question. NOW if only it would hurry up and get here. I want to start this cycle of Clomid and see what happens...

So with that being said, I haven't wrote recently due to the fact that there just isn't anything new going on with our process, it's just a waiting game as of now...

I can't wait !

I have a killer cold and just can't think, so this will be brief.

I had an appointment with my Ob/Gyn today. I am starting Clomid my next cycle ! I am SOOO excited. I really hope this is the answer I have been looking for. I am so tired of trying and SO ready for our Journey with infertility to end ! Again, I have a cold from hell so that is all I have to say for now. I will write more once I finally start my Clomid. I am due for my cycle to start at any time, but I am so irregular who really does know when it will decide to come along. 

Wow... Really?

So, I was going to try and give boards another chance... until I fell across THIS.
Really ? Come on... they were all SO mad about me "trash talking" and my supposed  "trash talking" was no where NEAR this. THIS REALLY IS TRASH TALKING. I can't believe how vicious women can be. Especially most that are old enough to be my mother. I know infertility can make you a major B-word... but I in no way deserved to be put down this badly... Whatever. Screw em.

I guess the last few weeks are just out for me.
First me and Marks friends wife go at it.
Then when this originally started.
Then Mark and I's sister go at it.
And now more of this.

I just can't win. GO AWAY DRAMA !

Huge relief !

Let me tell ya... what a relief ! I had my HSG test done on April 1st. I had spotting, and then heavy bleeding and cramping all the way up until yesterday ! And it FINALLY stopped ! I am so happy, I was worried sick. I NEVER want to do that test again ! It was awful, and sooo painful. I just couldn't be happier that its all done and I can move on ! =)

UGH !

Gosh, I don't think I will EVER find a good support group online. I guess the only reason I make my age clear is because you would think that it would be easy for me to get pregnant... but I guess there will always be people there to judge you. I will probably stop posting on boards for awhile and just write how I am feeling here. It's funny that my entire family, and my husbands entire family are all so happy that we are trying... but then a few people that don't even know you, are telling you you're too young... I was thinking these boards where helping me from getting down in the dumps, but now I think I'm MORE down in the dumps then I have been for a long time...

Feels like we will never succeed.

Well, I suppose I will start my Blog off with an introduction of myself. My name is Krissy. I am a 21 years old, and I live in Iowa. I married my best friend, Mark, on February 22nd 2010. I have known Mark pretty much my entire life, and we started dating pretty young. We actually start TTC (trying to conceive) in 2007 (at the young age of 17) It is hard for me to be truthful about that to a lot of people, mostly because now I realize how I'm still so young, and 17 may have been too young. I guess either way, it doesn't really matter. We are still trying. I have not had a single pregnancy. No miscarriages, nothing. I hadn't gone to the doctor about it until 2009, when I was 19. I figured the doctors may be a little more willing to help sense I was at least an adult, and months away from marriage. Well, I was wrong. I spent from 2009 - mid 2010 at this clinic... and looking back now, they had no intentions of wanting to help me. We got no where, they did some blood work and said everything looked fine, and I did my basal temps. for about 4 months, and that is about the most of them helping me. I eventually lost hope and stopped going at all. I felt like I was just NEVER going to have a kid. I finally decided to give us a break for a few months, and celebrate my 21st birthday like everybody does. Now, our much needed break is done, and I was ready to get back out there. I changed clinics and changed doctors, I now have to drive 45 mins to this clinic but it is well worth it. From the moment I walked into the door my new fertility doctor had a plan and said we WILL get this done. He said that from my basal temps that I had done prev indicates that I'm not ovulating, and that is probably the main problem. He also wanted to re-evaluate my blood work to make sure PCOS isn't a possibility. He then told me to do an HSG test and we would most likely be starting me on Clomid when I returned. I have very irregular cycles, so I had to wait and wait for my period to come so I could go do my HSG test. Finally, it arrived. I went in for my HSG test on day 10 of my cycle. Which was actually just last Friday. I still can't believe how painful it was. Regardless, the HSG test came back fine. The doctor said it was all normal. Now, I am waiting for my next appointment with my fertility doctor on April 25th ! =) I'm very excited to finally have a plan. Although after almost 4 years of trying... it sometimes feels like nothing will work, and I'm getting excited for nothing. Some days are harder then others. It's hard to understand why I am so young and can't get pregnant. They always made it sound like in high school that if you just looked at each other wrong that you would end up pregnant. I only wish it were that easy.